Christian Socially Distances on Halloween, Thousands Get Saved

Ding Dong, TX- Thousands have converted to Christianity, thanks to the efforts of one man!

Was it an inspiring sermon? A modern-day miracle? A well-written book? No, people were saved because a Christian decided to abstain from Halloween!

“I don’t like Halloween so I decided to socially distance,” said Christian and now Evangelist, Lee Galistic, “I had no idea so many people would get saved. But Frankly, I am not surprised!”

After looking a the first page of a Google search, we at the Cee have discovered that it all started with a group of trick-or-treaters:

“We go trick-or-treating ever year during a short walk from El Paso to Ding Dong,” said a man who now wants to be known as First Disciple, “But we walked past and saw his house with the curtains closed, the TV off and there was no response when we knocked. Suddenly, we were all on our knees crying out in prayer!”

Soon this spread to all the other trick-or-treaters in the town, who repented of their participation in Satan’s festival and ritually burned their candy as they stepped into a new life.

However, it wasn’t just those trick-or-treating that were reached by Lee’s heroic stand:

“We found out about brother Lee’s brave social distancing stance through a post on facebook,” said Mr Galistic’s acquaintance and neighbor, “My family and I were deeply inspired by his refusal to answer the door, we just had to become Christians. What could be a better life than this?!  We have already found that the LORD has abundantly blessed us with way more candy in our house than we usually have after Halloween!” 

Has Lee’s social distancing caused your heart to be “strangely warmed”?  Take the first step now into a new life by sending us all your candy as a sign of your pure devotion.

Reporter: The lonely rogue