Why face masks are for life not just for COVID!

Those who oppose the mask mandate are missing a trick. 

Whether or not face masks are effective in reducing the spread of COVID, there are so many benefits to wearing masks that we should be wearing them for life and not just for COVID.

We are the Cee are proud to help you dear reader realize why masks are the answer to so many of those common irritants we had to put up with before the face mask revolution.

Halitosis

Sometimes the stench permeating from a person’s mouth is so pungent that it induces a negative reaction from nearby nostrils, resulting in us having to cover our noses with our sleeves or the necklines of our shirts.

This breath problem is most noticeable on airplanes, crammed into those tight fuselages where the slightest utterance leaves a pervading stench that travels throughout the cabin faster than the plane itself.

Fortunately, these malodorous interactions are mitigated thanks to the mask mandate.

On the brighter side, we could now all enjoy those delicious garlic and onion sandwiches without ever having to worry about mouthwash, gum, or breath mints right after.

The downside to this, obviously, is that now our noses and mouths have to share that enclosed space together, which, although a benefit to others, is now a burden on ourselves- unless you like the smell of sulfur mixed with garlic and onions, then it is a twofold benefit.

Protection against smells

This not only applies to breath. If someone passes you with body odor, cheap perfume, or passes gas right onto an area you’re about to walk into, you are lucky enough to have your mask at your disposal.

Oftentimes, the stenches we emit from our bodies are more tolerable than those emitted by our neighbors- an evolutionary trait, I believe, going back to a time when we used to “mark our territory.” Based on this deduction, I hope we can all concede that each individual should be responsible for their own stench and not have to suffer the inconvenience of encountering other people’s personal odor.

Facial privacy

Now we can do whatever we want to our faces without fear of judgment.

We can countlessly pierce our nose and lips, tattoo profanity on our upper lip (for Christians, this might be something like “Darn”, “Gosh” or “Heck”), don a Hitler mustache, wear bright green lipstick, hide a pet- maybe a mouse or gerbil or lizard (just make sure you poke holes through the mask so it could breathe).

You also don’t have to worry about washing your face any more.

If you have ketchup, mustard, or ice cream stains near your mouth, no one will notice what a slob you are.

Teens can hide acne on their face. If there is pervasive acne on your forehead, you can always wear two masks where it would be improper to wear a hat; and if anyone inquires as to why you have a mask on your forehead, you just tell them you’re being extra cautious and don’t want to take any chances, even though the virus isn’t spread through sweat (in fact, scientists believe sweat can help prevent the transmission of COVID-19- but that could change over time).

As you can see, there are countless benefits to wearing masks.

And seeing as how we are probably going to be covering our faces for the next fifty years for “health reasons,” we should be also willing to accept this as the new standard for hygiene etiquette. 

Reporter: Nicholas Lann