Constitution canonized as 67th book of the Bible

Church Life

A special committee ratified the US Constitution as the 67th book of the Bible this week.

The committee approved the addition following a debate by theological leaders on whether the American founding document was the sacred word of God.

“This is a really big move for the American people, the world, and maybe even God,” said Paula White, former President Trump’s spiritual advisor and the committee chairperson. “Now everyone will know that questioning the Constitution or changing it is, in fact, a sin.”

Unlike the recent addition of the “Footprints in the Sand” poem to the biblical canon, this committee did not encompass the full range of Christian believers around the world.  Nor indeed across America, judging by the MAGA hats won by its members.

When asked to comment on the addition to the holy Bible, Pope Francis said he was not invited to the convention, and that “Only the Catholic church has the authority to add to the canon of Scripture.”

Other church leaders across the United States and around the world disputed the decision to add to the Bible without a scrupulous vetting process.

However, proponents said the new book of Scripture affirms what many Christians have known all along: that the advancement of the U.S.A. is part of God’s holy plan for all nations, and that the history of the American people belongs in the Bible alongside the stories of spiritual founding fathers and the ministry of Jesus.

The new sacred text, however, lasted in canon for only a few hours before a Democratic lawmaker pointed out a fatal flaw: “If the Constitution is the word of God, then it has nothing to do with government. To maintain the separation of church and state like it says in the Constitution, we should throw the whole thing away.”

Although several political commentators immediately argued that the line about separation wasn’t in the Constitution, the committee reconvened and the latest book of holy Scripture went the way of Pluto.

Reporter: Rachael Pittiglio

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