New Revised Trump Version of the Bible Announced
Three Evangelical leaders announced at a joint press conference at Liberty University they are publishing a new Bible called the Revised Trump Version.
Robert Jeffress, head pastor of Dallas First Baptist; Franklin Graham, Billy Graham’s son and CEO of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association; and Jerry Falwell, Jr., Jerry Falwell’s son and president of Liberty University, have all made public their unconditional and unwavering support for President Donald Trump over the past several years.
All three have publicly stated that Trump’s sexual immorality was not a problem and all three have publicly stated in various ways that nothing he does would ever cause them to withhold their support for Trump.
Their past comments have included such affirmations as Jeffress stating that President Trump was, “…the most pro-life, pro-religious liberty, pro-conservative judiciary in history and that includes either Bush or Ronald Reagan,” Falwell asserting that, “It may be immoral for [evangelical leaders] not to support him,” while Graham extolled the President by claiming that Trump, “…defends the faith and I appreciate that very much.” Additionally, Graham most recently has called for a Day of Prayer to protect the President from his political rivals.
According to Jeffress, this new and improved version of God’s Word has been updated to meet the needs of this generation. “We now realize that all scripture references that referred to Jesus in past versions refer to President Trump. This means that all references to Jesus, including Messiah, Son of God, Lord, Savior, etc., now refer President Trump.”
Mr. Graham added, “After careful consideration and much research, we now understand that all words in red in our Red Letter Bibles were actually spoken by President Trump. Our new Revised Trump Version makes this unmistakably clear.”
Said Rev. Falwell, “Of course, we had to make some changes to the text itself. All those pesky verses on adultery and fornication? We removed them. Obviously, if our Lord and Savior President Trump committed these acts, they cannot possibly be considered sinful. We have removed this obvious clerical error that has persisted in all Bibles for the last several thousand years.”
Unfortunately for the three Evangelical leaders, they were forced to self-publish their new Bible as all of the major Christian publishers such as Tyndale and Zondervan refused their manuscript, claiming they would not take part in such blatant blasphemy. Jeffress, Graham and Falwell then called upon God to rain fire down from heaven on the publishing houses as punishment for their sin of not accepting Trump as their Savior.
Reporter: Jeff the Comma Head