Pastor Mistakenly Asks Millennial Crowd a Bible Question
SOMEWHERE, USA—Pastor Paris Ben-Hilton, son of the mega church pastor known throughout the world as Pastor Hilton (or “Dad”) recently goofed up while preaching. Last Sunday, as thousands gathered at the progressive, millennial-focused mega-cathedral known as The Chandelier, Pastor Paris (pronounced PAIR-EECE) got caught up in the moment and made a huge blunder.
As he was waxing eloquent (per contract requirements), Ben-Hilton shouted out in his fiery fervor, “Tell me church, where is Genesis? In the Old or New Testament? We need to get back to the basics and get out of our biblical illiterase, unliteracy, illitterrit, okay, lack of Bible knowledge!”
The poor pastor, who was asking a simple question, expecting to hear a shout from the crowd echoing the elementary truth “Old!!!” was disappointed to hear a deafening silence that would easily allow even the most hard of hearing person the ability to hear a pin drop.
“What? You don’t know where Genesis is in the Bible?” the pastor sadly moaned through a river of genuine tears (unlike the fake tears his contract demands him to cry three minutes and twenty-six seconds before giving the altar call).
It was a sad day at The Chandelier and no one’s face was aglow as they were all insulted by the pastor putting them on the spot. In the crowd of approximately 6,231, everyone felt targeted and the vast majority vowed to never come back…at least that’s what they put on the church’s comment page.
Never again will former pastor Paris Ben-Hilton attempt to involve the crowd in his teaching sermons and he will likely have to change his identity and relocate to a tropical island to avoid the shame.
The congregation has since decided to plant a new church and name it New Beginnings, calling it Genesis for short.
Reporter: Angry Nursery Worker
Where even the worst satire floats 
