What should I get my pastor for Christmas?
Are you a loyal parishioner who really wants to do something nice for your Pastor?
Do you want to ease that preacher’s stress of running multiple services and a Christmas pageant this year?
Or do you want to pass of a bribe and call it a “love offering” in order to secure that church promotion?
Then we at the Cee are here to help with this list of what you should get your pastor for Christmas!
- A Clue – Do other members of the church say that your pastor “hasn’t got a clue”. Poor fella, why not help him out by buying one of these for him at Christmas.
- A Pulpit Sound Board That Says ‘Amen’– Every time your preacher hits the pulpit during a sermon this will create an illusion of inspiration, as opposed to the usual startled screams of people being jolted awake.
- Two Small Copper Coins – Jesus praised this gift from the poor widow in Luke 21:2 – so you know that it must be something special
- A Cup of cold Water – Not only is this a practical preaching aid, for those long-winded sermons that kill the throat, but Jesus promises in Matthew 10:42 that you will get a reward. For best results, douse your pastor spontaneously during church with no prior warning.
- The Apostle Paul’s Suit and Tie – Who wouldn’t want one of these holy relics? Certainly a remote African tribe were grateful to wear them after Western missionaries converted them so they must be important.
- The Holy Grail – If this seems a little steep or a little pricey, ask yourself why you are not willing to do whatever it takes to assist the one who prays and preaches to you weekly!
- Skinny Jeans– So he can regift them to the worship leader, and the Bible does not specifically say regifting is a sin, so it must be totally cool with God!
- A Theology Degree – Although very few pastors have these nowadays, and those that do can’t get a job, our reporter Northworst Seminary offers them for free!
- A fish. Think of it like a lucky dip. It may have a four drachma coin in it’s mouth like in the Bible. Either way, he’ll still get a tasty fish for supper.
- Nothing – after all it’s not his birthday, it’s Jesus’. So if he complains – you know that he wants to be more important than Jesus and should be thrown out of the church as a false teacher. Either way, he’ll get nothing.
Reporter: The lonely rogue