Millennials Too Lazy to Take Motivation Survey

Recently, our correspondents here at the Salty Cee embarked on a journey to explore what makes Millennials tick, or what ticks them off, or just something at all in the way of research.

So, we devised a survey consisting of 5 simple questions that could be easily accessed through Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, Snapchat, and MySpace.

Sadly, out of the 1,000 recipients of the survey, only one responded and her response was that she accidentally clicked on the link.

It is common knowledge that the Millennial generation is the laziest to date, with 55% of them proudly confessing that they are the laziest people alive. It makes us wonder if man-buns are actually popular due to a lack of motivation to comb one’s hair; it’s certainly plausible.

Many of the Millennials that we have interacted with over the past couple months have confessed that they do not own a coffee maker because the barista at Starbucks will make them a cup for a mere $7.50, just half the price of a coffee maker from Ollie’s Bargain Outlet.

When we reached out to Jade Lackadaisy, the lone respondent, she refused to comment because it was before 11:00 AM and she was still resting from her strenuous work of observing murals at the local art gallery whilst single-handedly lifting a latte and carrying her participation trophy in a canvas bag over her shoulder.

Pray for strength for these young warriors!

Reporter: Angry Nursery Worker