Popular bacon face mask “not effective protection” against Coronavirus


A new kind of Coronavirus face mask has taken America by storm!

The bacon face mask.

Designed by Northworst Seminary’s Home Economics department and took off like wildfire.

“These things were flying off the shelves faster than I could fry them,” said Betty, the unassuming creator, “normally I can’t get people to take my food even when I’m payin’ them.”

“I just love ’em!” says Jed an earlier adopter of the bacon face mask, “I can’t wait to go out for essential journeys with one on – or sometimes I wear two at the same time!”

“These are great!” says Linda a nurse and recent convert to the bacon face mask, “On a bad shift, I sometimes get through about three of them an hour.  They also seem to have a really positive effect on the patients I treat too, though I did have to call security when one patient tried to lick it…”

Despite the popularity of these face masks, the CDC has issued the following statement:

“We do not recommend that people use these bacon face masks as earlier reports indicate that they are not effective protection against the Coronavirus.  The temptation to lick or eat the mask removes the whole point of wearing the mask in the first place.”

“I just don’t understand what their problem is!” said an upset Jed, “I followed the CDC guidelines to the letter and never touched my face with my hands. They don’t mention nothing about using tongues!”

However ineffective these Coronavirus masks are, one bonus is that unlike traditional disposable masks no waste is created.

Sadly for Betty, despite this environmentally friendly feature, Greta Thunberg has not given her endorsement to these face masks.

Based on a tweet by Northworst Seminary
Writer: John Spencer aka Not the Bible

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