Revealed: “America is the Greatest Country on Earth” myth created by Australians


Ask most Americans today (well, half of them) if America is the greatest country on Earth and they will give you an unequivocal “YES!!”

“There’s no question – America is easily the greatest nation on earth,” said Tom Manning from Tampa, Florida, “We have the largest military, we have democracy and FREEDOM!!!”

But a leak at the FBI has revealed that in 1958, amid growing wealth, standard of living and all round awesomeness, the Australian government grew concerned with too many people moving to Australia and “ruining it”.

A “Keep Australia Great” policy was formed with the key strategy: “Disseminate the belief, as far as possible, that America is the greatest nation on Earth whilst keeping Australia as much of a secret as possible.”

Australian politicians and citizens were ordered to only and always speak positively about America when speaking with Americans and were barred from mentioning Australia’s economy, democracy, life expectancy, crime rate, air quality, healthcare system, weather, beaches, sporting prowess, income equality, infrastructure and so on.

Another key plank in the policy was a linguistic push to try to attach negative connotations to the word “south” by coining the phrase “things went south.”

The goal was that not a single American would ever think of leaving and especially, never think of emigrating to Australia.

“Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary, the policy was surprisingly effective,” an Australian government spokesperson said, “In fact, most Americans couldn’t name a single country in the southern hemisphere.”

With the gap widening even further between Australia and America on quality of life, Australians are now revisiting their ‘Keep Australia Great’ policy, amid growing fears Americans might still discover Australia.

Anecdotal evidence however, suggests this may not be necessary.

When Tom Manning was presented with details about Australia’s economy, life expectancy, and so on, he muttered – after just a brief scratch of the head – “Yeah, but , like… freedom.”

Reporter: Nat Clarke 

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