Think 2020 couldn’t get worse? Stephenie Meyers announces new Twilight book.


After the coronavirus, bushfires, volcano eruption, floods, locust swarms and Brexit people were starting to think that 2020 couldn’t possibly get any worse.

However, hopes were dashed when author Stephenie Meyers announced that after 13 years since starting Midnight Sun, she was going to finally release this next book in the Twilight saga on 4th August 2020.

John Hagee and other end times authors were first concerned when author Stephenie Meyers put a countdown on her website but even they never predicted that it would lead to the announcement of another twilight novel.

“What else but the Beast could explain how more than 100 million of Meyers’ Twilight books have been sold?” said a tense John Hagee, “Nor yet why she doesn’t spell her name Stephanie Meyers…”

“I’m really excited to continue the story,” said Meyer, “The world needs escapism these days and so now is a great time to tell the same story I published before, but from Edward Cullen’s perspective rather than Bella Swan’s! Besides, I’m on lockdown and as author, what else could I do?”

Yes, you read that right, the new Twilight book will tell the same story as before but from a different perspective! 

But Meyers denied that this “companion book to the original series” was a cash grab.

Some Twilight fans, or “Twihards” as they are called, have spoken up in favor of continuing the series.

“Twilight is a great story!” said Reed Lyze, “Sure Edward Cullen took advantage of a young, vulnerable woman and wanted to suck her blood but after 50 shades of grey the world’s a more accepting place of this behaviour.”

“I love reading Twilight! Every girl feels like Bella and that’s not strange at all,” said Norma Lee Avveridge.

In a rare moment of interdenominational unity, Churches have all committed to three months of prayer that God would have mercy and reduce the length of the forthcoming tribulation…

Reporter: The lonely rogue

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