Catholic Church hires hibachi chef to serve Mass

Because of the Coronavirus, Italy has been on lockdown since March 10 and many other countries have recently followed suit.  This has presented the Roman Catholic Church a unique situation where they are unable to administer the sacraments to their flock.

This has led Pope Francis to declare that people who cannot manage to go to confession as a result of being locked down because of the coronavirus can confess directly to God.

However, since Mass must be administered by a priest the Catholic Church has been stuck at how to resolve this conundrum until today.

“We fast-tracked a number of Hibachi chefs to become priests and they will travel around the country and administer Mass to congregants on their balconies or doorsteps,” stated an excited Cardinal.

“These highly trained chef-priests will chop the bread and launch it into the mouths of the devoted and follow it up with a squirt of wine from a water pistol.  All this can be done without breaking the government’s quarantine and social distancing requirements.”

It is thought a similar distanced approach could work for the administering the sacraments of anointing the sick with oil and baptism. 

However, the newly added eighth sacrament of rotas can easily be adapted to home life.

No word as yet as to whether Protestant churches will do something similar or just move to have communion every other month instead.

Idea: Bruce Hall
Written by: John Spencer