Lifeway Announces New Line of WWJP Bracelets

 In a bid to capture more of the Millennial Antifa market, Lifeway recently announced a line of What Would Jesus Protest™ bracelets.

“With Millennials facing micro-aggressions, triggers, the cis-gendered patriarchy and the mere existence of people who believe differently than they do on a daily basis,” said a Lifeway spokesperson, “it’s hard for them to know what, when or how to protest. I mean, there are so many protests to choose from, sometimes several in one day. This bracelet, hopefully, will prompt them to carefully consider and prioritize their protests according to what Jesus would get triggered by.”

In order not to offend anyone, the new bracelets will only be available in rainbow and users can choose from one of 47 different gender styles.

Reporter: Jeff the Comma Head