Rapture occurs: left behind can’t play VHS tapes to find out why

Church Life

Well the rapture has happened and the staff at the Salty Cee have been left behind.  I guess you kind of suspected that given the unredeemed nature of our “humour”.

However, we can confirm that it wasn’t as disappointing as the GOT season 8 finale as some “Christians” feared (who showed that they weren’t really saved by watching it in the first place).

Sadly, those left behind with us are confused about what has happened. 

The company You’ ve Been Left Behind LLC that promised to send an email to non-Christian friends after the rapture occurs (when at least 3 of the 5 Christian staffers fail to log in for 6 days in a row) ceased trading some years ago and so none were sent.

Fortunately, Tim F LaHaye and Jerry B Jenkins created a 20 minute video “Have You Been Left Behind?” for people like us in our current predicament. 

However, no-one left after the rapture is able to play the VHS tape given that technology (and theology) has moved on.

It’s a shame as we’re sure that the fictional Rev. Vernon Billings of New Hope Church would have really helped us understand what’s going on. 

As it is, people are blaming the disappearance of the world’s population on Thanos rather than realising the imperilled state of their souls.

We’ve tried our best to help out but sadly everyone thinks our warnings are satire.

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible

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