Thanos or rapture? Church unsure

Church Life

Thanos is no stranger for receiving blame for everything and anything that goes wrong, recently issuing a statement denying responsibility when YouTube went down

Whilst we at the Cee don’t condone such Thanos blaming, we understand how it has become more prevalent in this day and age.  With atheism increasing in the West along with a rising belief in aliens – it was only a matter of time before disasters lead to people calling it an “act of Thanos”.

However, when half of the world’s population disappeared Christians were quick to declare it definitely was the rapture…only to then realise that they were the ones left behind with all those ungodly people they’d been pointing the finger at.

The reformed community, in particular, took this news hard.  There simply had to be another reason as their theology was spot on. 

A thorough investigation of the trending topics of Twitter led them to conclude that the fault must be Thanos and his actions in the so-called “Infinity War”.

However, there was no biblical precedent for attributing destruction to a square jawed purple being.

At first Christians speculated that Thanos was the Behemoth mentioned in Job 40, but none of the Marvel films so far show him feeding on grass like an ox.  So they quickly moved onto identifying him as one of the beasts mentioned in Revelation 13 exercising its power to wage war against God’s holy people.

Needless to say these Christians are unsure and have pre-booked their seats to see the Avengers Endgame movie where the remaining Avengers are joined by Hanna Barbera heroes to finally defeat Thanos. 

Early figures suggest that this film is set to beat “God’s Not Dead III: We really mean it this time!” as the most popular Christian movie since someone other than PureFlix started making Christian movies.

If Thanos is indeed the cause of these disappearances, then Christians are sure to use him as the ideal candidate to blame for their declining church attendance…

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible 

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