10 things to avoid talking about this Christmas
Christmas is the season of peace and goodwill. Or at least it’s supposed to be.
However, all too soon elongated periods of close proximity to your other family members can lead to conversations that can all too easily destroy that happy family façade and lead to the classic Christmas arguments around the table.
So to help maintain that fragile peace we at the Salty Cee present to you a list of 10 topics to avoid talking about this Christmas which should minimise the chance of any arguments happening in your home this Christmas.
Should be obvious – but bringing up Trump’s impeachment or why the UK Labour party lost so spectacularly is sure to lead to heated arguments, which are the main cause of global warming.
Simple things like deciding whether it should be homoousios or homoiousios led to St Nicolas decking Arius rather than the halls with boughs of holly.
How do you know if someone is a vegan? Don’t worry they’ll tell you. That said, since veganism has been declared a terrorist group, you could end your day with a visit from the counter-terrorism police.
Which child is your favourite?
Surprisingly children have still not realised that asking this question can lead to parents having to break the 9th commandment when they feel they have to say, “we love you all equally.” But on the positive side they get to be like their bible hero Jacob.
Who spent the most on presents?
We all know that the one who did spend the most is clearly the best but it’s just not really the done things. Nor is getting out all the receipts just to prove it was you and demand everyone give you your proper adulation.
Which star wars film was the best?
While this should be obviously “The Empire Strikes Back” some of the younger generations have been bewitched by Disney into thinking that flashy woke films are lit. Prepare for using Christmas wrapping paper rolls as lightsabers to settle this like Jedis.
Babylon Bee or the Salty Cee?
While it’s obvious what the answer should be – we just don’t want them getting upset at Christmas.
No, not the whole Adam knew Eve thing but the biological sex of an individual. In current times it is just plain bigoted to point out that people are either male or female. It’s just not worth even mentioning it.
What are you, crazy? Why would you even think about bringing this up in polite company? Sure they be a small huddle of geeks in the family that’ll want to share their favourite proof but without security guards nothing will hold back the mob bent on beating them with large blunt instruments.
What Is the Airspeed Velocity of an Unladen Swallow?
What should be an easy question to answer – confusion over whether it’s an African or European swallow could be the difference between life and death.
Did we miss anything? If so, let us know in the comments!
Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible