Arkansas sets record for completing census: you’ll never guess why!


The US Census Bureau reported today that they have already completed the census in Arkansas, a mere 2 days after starting the once-in-a-decade head count.

“Article 1, Section 2 of the United States Constitution, along with the 14th Amendment, sets forth the requirements for the enumeration of America,” said Census Bureau spokesman Horace P. Longmire, “and the US Census Bureau is pleased to announce that – due to the…err…unique living arrangements among Arkansans – the count is complete in Arkansas.”

When asked what, “unique living arrangements” applied in Arkansas, Mr. Longmire replied, “Arkansas is the only state where the traditional nuclear family of mother, father, sister, brother is just two people. Obviously, this meant fewer households to visit, resulting in a much quicker count.”

While Mr. Longmire’s press conference was ongoing, reporters noticed a small disturbance resulting from a family squabble in the rotunda of the state capitol.

It appeared that a teenage male was arguing with his parents when the adult male was heard loudly proclaiming, “Don’t you take that tone of voice with me, young man! I may be your uncle, but I’m still your father!”

Reporter: Jeff the Comma Head

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