Millennial has coffee cup surgically attached to hand

In this time of uncertainty, one millennial has found a way to survive 2020: they have had a coffee cup surgically attached to their hand.

Tyler James, a bearded millennial, hit upon the idea when he experienced the sufferings of Christ when trying to give up coffee for Lent.

“During that time I was thinking about coffee and Psalm 16 where it says ‘You alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure’ and I was wondering about how to make that verse really real.”

“First, I thought about naming my cup Jesus – but that didn’t quite feel right…so I just would remember Jesus when I drunk my latte – kinda like communion, only way cooler.”

“But when COVID-19 hit I could no longer experience that security the verse talked about as all the coffee shops were closed. How could I get my fix better experience the LORD being my cup when I had no cup?”

“So I’d make my own coffee and carry it with me – but it was all too easy to lose my cup when I got distracted by important stuff happening on social media.  And I realised that if Jesus is my cup and I lose my cup – it was like I lost my salvation!”

“There was only one way to ensure I always had coffee close to hand symbolically represented Jesus never leaving me: have a cup that would never leave me!”

Since Tyler has had the surgery he reports experiencing “the peace of God that passes all understanding” though he kinda misses being able to use his left thumb when messaging friends.

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible