AntiChrist Applicants Unqualified

Church Life

Used to be, a plethora of world leaders captured the imaginations of a subset of Christianity.

By subset, I’m referring to those who love illustrated charts and algorithms and late night Christian TV explaining the book of Revelations in the context of oil shortages in the 1970’s.

Excellent candidates for the position of Antichrist exhibited polished resumes, striking good looks with vaguely Eastern European ancestry, or at least voted Democrat.

Looking at you, Obama. Even a few popes have been considered, their names floated out like a Chick tract bobbing along a cataclysmic flood.

With the recent failure of Donald Trump to achieve a second term, the list of potential despots grows short. Where is the next politician with striking hair and a silver tongue?

Or even a Charlie Crist lookalike with silver hair and a striking tongue?

I mean, Joe Biden?

Perhaps at sundown when, like many nursing home residents, his dementia worsens. Such imagery is unlikely to make it to a flannelgraph or even a rousing episode of Bibleman or his vegetable counterpart Larry Boy.

Perhaps the incarnation of evil will materialize from the realm of media rather than politics. Someone eloquent of speech—Rachel Maddow? Ellen if she’s mean backstage? Post entanglement Will and Jada Smith? Dr. Phil’s mustache?

As possibilities grow more ludicrous, a plausible way to discover the truth is to continually stuff sacred text into every day’s headlines.

A second choice would be to take a Coronavirus vaccine and let the microchip illuminate the truth.

Perhaps neither of those plans are very good.

As intrepid reporters of the Salty Cee, we will accept your submissions. We are thankful it’s not a deep bench and would like to remind our readers that “my mother-in-law” is not an acceptable submission for potential Antichrists.

The winner will receive a color photo of Hal Lindsay or a gently-used random book from the Left Behind Series if any of our reporters are present to deliver on our promise.

Reporter: Dripping Ether

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