Goldfish crackers shares plummet after VBS finishes

Church Life

Stockmarkets around the world saw shares in the company that makes goldfish crackers crash this week.  The little fish shaped cheese crackers are manufactured by Pepperidge Farm, a division of the Campbell Soup Company and have become THE definitive snack of Vacation Bible Schools (VBS) across America.

So much so that the sudden drop in consumption after VBS finished this week caused a panic on the stockmarket which led to Campbell’s shares plummeting.

A spokesman said, “At first we were baffled by the fall but then Jim, our janitor who’s a Christian, pointed us in the right direction.  We simply had no idea that the church had so much buying power.”

Pastor Bob of First Baptist Church Andover, Kansas laughed, “Oh sure we love those goldfish crackers, especially them cheesy ones.  In fact we order ’em by the ton.”

Juliette, a nervous 17 year old volunteer added, “Those kids are like ravenous beasts, we have to use shovels to throw the crackers out fast enough to prevent them eating the furniture.”  A single tear falls down her cheek as she whispers, “Sometimes the smile on those crackers is the only thing that gives us hope during the week…”

Juliette was one of the missing VBS volunteers that was found wandering the streets in a daze. Fortunately, she is receiving help and a lifetimes supply of goldfish crackers in recognition of her sacrificial service to haggard parents everywhere.

Since this discovery Pepperidge Farm is planning to introduce some special VBS themed goldfish crackers to help support their sales local churches.  These will include a cracker with a coin in its mouth to help churches pay for their overheads the disciples pay their taxes to Rome and a larger whale version for swallowing kids whole retelling the story of Jonah.

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This

By continuing to use the site, you agree to the use of cookies. more information

The cookie settings on this website are set to "allow cookies" to give you the best browsing experience possible. If you continue to use this website without changing your cookie settings or you click "Accept" below then you are consenting to this.