Redneck Shoots Bottle Rocket Out of Butt For The Lord

Redneck Randy Wilson’s mama is quoted as being “happier than a pig in slop that all those summers of VBS finally paid off.” Evangelical residents of Somerset, Kentucky are smiling from cheek to cheek in response to the viral video acclaim it received in response to Randy’s bold public proclamation of his faith.

Randy’s third cousin-in-law, Eloise, wistfully recalls the event: “I was chillin’ in my tricked-out 2003 Honda Civic at the root beer stand, just waitin’ for Randy to ask me out. Next thing ya know he walks up beside the car and bends over. I thought he was praying. I hear a loud whistling sound and a caterwaul of ‘FOR THE LORD!’ I look up in the sky and see fireworks just as Randy proudly pulls up his Levi’s and invites me to the vape store with him.”

Randy’s youth pastor was interviewed after the video hit 3 million views. “I just knew that all those summers of milk chug contests in Jesus’ name would instill in Randy an organic sense that whatever we do we do for the Lord.”

Reporter: Prophet of Kale