Wise men located Jesus using book by prophet Hal Lindsey

Bethlehem, Israel – As crazy as it sounds, the ancient wise men (formally known as the “Magi” from the East) were able to locate the manger of Christ Jesus by following a simple formula derived from a cosmological text largely plagiarized from the works of American prophet and author Hal Lindsey!

The popular biblical account tells us that the Magi followed a star.  However, the manuscripts detailing the cosmological formation leading them to the Christ Child were found in an ancient codex handed down from a leading Magi in the court of King Nebuchadnezzar.

As it turns out, that leading Magi was none other than the biblical prophet Daniel!
Ancient Historians and leading archaeologists have provided a theory in which the Prophet Daniel was able to use his prophetic insight to read an advanced copy of the American Evangelist’s book “The Late Great Planet Earth”.

Much of Daniel’s ancient codex was passed through cryptically written scrolls which ended up in the hands of these ancient wise men.

So, it could be said (in a round-about way) that the writings of Hal Lindsey affected the ancient timeline by influencing the writings of Daniel which in turn helped the ancient wise men locate the Messiah!

We will continue to update our readers as more information becomes available. However, in light of these events, our sources have identified other instances of biblical prophets and writers blatantly stealing from future American prophets.

For example, the prophet Ezekiel read an advanced copy of the Book of Mormon, clearly identifying the Book of Mormon as a companion to the Bible (Ezekiel 37:16).

Or the Gospel writer Matthew, clearly stealing from the Watchtower magazine correctly identifying the Governing Body of Jehovah’s Witnesses as Christ’s anointed slave! (Matthew 24:45-46)

Or Solomon’s temple design (1 Kings 6) based on John Hagee’s 50 Shades of Blood home decorating book.

If true, these ancient authors would be committing sins that go against the Federal Trade Commission’s copyright infringement act which could be punishable by up to five years in federal prison and a fine up to $250,000.

Reporter: Tuthmosis