Dear Crass: Is our worship pastor a homeless man?

Dear Crass,

I recently hired a new worship pastor, except I’m now pretty sure I made the mistake of hiring homeless man off the streets by mistake.

He can’t sing, doesn’t play guitar, or keyboard, or anything. Strangely, he does know quite a bit about the Bible and seems to have a firm grasp of church doctrine.

His clothing appeared appropriate, though I didn’t see any visible Hebrew tattoos.

Obviously, these are not the traits of a worship pastor. Is it too soon to fire him? What course of action should I take?

Thank you in advance,

Impatient Pastor in Pittsburgh

Dear Impatient Pastor,

For starters, it is never, never too soon to fire your worship pastor.

Our good friend, Lloyd Legalist, reportedly hired a worship pastor once merely to fire him, re-hired the poor soul, only to say, “Just kidding, you’re fired again.”

This continued until the young man ran screaming from the building in tears. Again, this was reported, but not confirmed.

However, it would appear what you have done is not hire a worship pastor, but a Bible College student.

Similar to a student from a Seminary, a Bible College student went straight from his High School to a theological college. Likely, he’d be happy to stay on staff for next to nothing and is just as scared and worried as you are as he no doubt feels in over his head.

But if you choose to part ways, let him down gently, brother, and if necessary, I recommend the usage of tranquilizer darts. You’ll know what they’re for.

Until next time,

Crass