Gavin Newsom solves California’s prison overcrowding with this one quick trick!


Governor, Gavin Newsom, just “accidentally” solved California’s prison overcrowding by signing a law requiring transgender prison inmates to be housed based on gender identity.

“[This legislation] will advance inclusive and culturally competent efforts that uphold the dignity of all Californians regardless of who you are or who you love.”

Sounds great, doesn’t it?

This LGBT+ equality law will sure to uphold the dignity of Katrina, whose new cellmate Butcherina (a 220 pound sweaty, hairy former man with gang tattoos who recently changed her name from Butch), whose struggles have been finally been solved now that “she” is bunking with a biological woman.

But we at the Cee can reveal that kindly act towards people like Butcherina is actually a move of pure political genius…

Governor Newsom knows all too well the male-population overcrowding problem in California prisons. He’s the one who endures the griping from prison administrators daily.

“Where we gonna put all these bad guys?” one prison official was reported saying to the local press.

After correcting the officials’ inappropriate use of the gender-specific noun “guy”, Newsom suggested releasing drug dealers and other non-violent offenders and replacing them with the criminal masterminds behind the rebellious church attendance movement, like John MacArthur.

However, Newsom knows that his liberal, soft on crime legislators will never fork over the big bucks for new male prisons.

So, here’s his genius plan: The first handful of hairy dudes who claim womanhood will be transported to the women’s facility and housed in their own separate cells. The first time a real woman complains and files a lawsuit stating she feels intimidated by men in the same unit as her, the prison officials will be forced to move the transgender crew to their own unit.

The next lawsuit filed (probably by Katrina) claiming unequal access to facilities when men are in the prison yard with women, will require the prison officials to create a new prison yard for the transgender crew.

Do you see the pattern? (Wink.) The next lawsuit filed will claim endangerment for the women who are forced to eat meals together with male prisoners in the prison commissary. Voila! A commissary just for the transgender crew.

Do I need to go on? I think not.

Before long, the transgender crew will have their very own new… male prison. Overcrowding problem solved!

Of course, another plan is to simply release all women from prison. Fill the former women’s prisons with the transgender prisoners. Then, when concerned citizens ask the governer the obvious question, “How can you justify letting all the women prisoners out?” he can claim, “We haven’t! They’re still filled with women.”


Reporter: Bradley Barrett

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