Gender Neutral Toilets Lead to 4000% Rise in Toilet Seat Complaints


Gender Neutral Toilets were hailed as a victory for a more tolerant and inclusive world.

Those who identified as a gender different to their body would find welcome and boys locker room talk would become a thing of the past as men became part of the more refined ladies restroom conversations about make-up, sanitary products, and mutual encouragement.

However, it was not long before women felt that they had lost their “safe space” and nowhere was this felt more keenly than in the realm of the toilet seat.

For generations, women had enjoyed the default toilet seat down position and toilets that were clean, fresh and welcoming.

With the ushering in of this brave new world, women have begun to experience the men’s default toilet seat up position, much to their chagrin.

Women’s internal monologues beginning with “Is it really so hard to remember?” and ending with “it’s FINE I’ll deal with it!” soon broke out into angry mobs who heaped verbal abuse upon any man caught leaving the gender-neutral toilet cubicle with the toilet seat up.

There have reports of a number of cases of physical assault against men who also forgot to flush.

However, those men who capitulated and left the seat down but then peed all over it (as what’s the point of lifting it up to then put it down again – might as well skip out the middleman, I mean the middle person) still did not receive the welcome that such gender-neutral toilets were supposed to bring.

The strong urinal smell soon made the toilets a less welcoming place for women to have those long conversations and the increasing stress that they have experienced from the deprivation has caused chaos.

Scientists who stated that research clearly shows that both sides were wrong and the toilet lid should be closed before flushing to prevent the fecal matter mist coating everything within a 50cm radius were set upon by both sides as being based on “ivory-tower assumptions about how the world works”.

More recently moves have been made towards creating seat up and seat down cubicles to resolve the impasse.

However, this has been branded as an intolerant and bigotted move back towards the dark ages of toilet gender segregation.

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible

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