New law: white stick required for mobile phone users

Philadelphia’s mayor Jim Kenney had just passed a law requiring all those walking while on mobile phones to use a white stick.

“For too long Philadelphia’s hospitals have been packed full of people who suffered injury while distracted by their mobile phones.  From walking into large inanimate objects to getting run over while crossing the street this needs to stop.”

The white stick was a compromise after the original version requiring someone with a flag to walk in front of the user was considered “a step too far”.

The idea was inspired by a city in China that has introduced a smart phone zombie lane on its pavement (sidewalk for our American readers) to allow those who actually want to travel at speed to get somewhere.

Google is rumoured to be developing a new app “the virtual white stick” that uses sensors to warn mobile phone users of obstructions.

“It’s a natural extension of our driverless car technology,” said the project leader whose name we didn’t catch, “it should revolutionise the way people walk while distracted on their phones.”

However, some people object to the law: “It’s health and safety gone mad. This law is just enabling Millennials to continue in their little bubble like Google’s trigger free search engine.  The sooner people suffer accidents the sooner they’ll learn to get off their phone and discover the real world.”

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible