Google search algorithm changed to become trigger free


In a move that is sure to please millennials, Google announced today that it would adjust its algorithm to ensure that only search results that agreed with the user’s opinion would be shown on the first page.

CEO Sundar Pichai commented stated, “Facebook has long been using its data to provide results tailored to their users’ interests.  This has created a wonderfully happy and safe experience for users in their echo bubble.”

“Studies have shown that due to this amplifying effect, users who then encounter information that is diametrically opposed to their worldview suffer nausea, heart palpitations and in some cases, PTSD.”

“By using the extensive data we have gathered from today’s online generation we can provide a custom search result based on the user’s political, religious and social views.  Our tailored algorithm, which we call the super-latte update, ensures that sites containing contrary views appear only on the second page of results and thus are never seen by 99.8% of users.”

After the furore surrounding Google’s search engine manipulation favouring its own companies, investors responded positively to this move.  Shares in its holding company, Alphabet Inc, were up 10% on this announcement.

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible

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