New York crime legalised to meet budget deficit


After New York’s fiscal deficit of $4.4 billion this year was closed by spending cuts and raising taxes on opioid manufacturers the future was looking bleak for Gov. Andrew Cuomo.

Eager to find a new source of income to tax he realised he could capitalise on what New York has in abundance:


“By increasing revenue from our record crime rates we could easily fix our deficit.” boasted Cuomo.

So the plan is first to legalise cannabis.

First Cuomo announced yesterday that he would push to legalize recreational marijuana next year, a move that could generate more than $1.7 billion in sales annually

As the tax dollars start to roll in New York’s citizens will be happy to legalise other drugs, guns, prostitution.

“Why should dealers, gangs and pimps have all the money?  Especially when they don’t pay their taxes!” asked Cuomo.

“If we sell the drugs, the guns and the girls we get a cut of this lucrative business.  All we have to do is undercut the black market prices and we will soon have the biggest slice of the pie.”

Cuomo and his team are working on plans to make money from New York’s many gangs.

One idea being toyed with is setting up a crime league table.

“Gangs enter the league by paying an annual registration fee.  Fights are set up between the gangs in government owned fight clubs.  This will not only reduce crime on the street but the ticket and beverage sales will pay for more than 1,000 teachers.”

The winner of the league will be presented the Top Snoop Dogg trophy at star-studied award evening.

The Governor and his team and now trying to think of ways of legalising homelessness to raise further revenue.

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible

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