Notre Dame Cathedral Fire: woke response guide


There’s nothing like a tragedy to bring the woke trolls out, I mean to bring people together and the Notre Dame Cathedral fire was no different.

Built over 850 years ago and despite surviving the French Revolution, Napoleon and World War II, Notre Dame succumbed to a fire yesterday which destroyed its famous spire and its roof.

Twitter was soon awash with outpourings under the hastag #NotreDameCathedralFire – for those who could spell.  The woke trolls, who struggle in this area, mostly restricted themselves to commenting on other people’s posts.

The Salty Cee has taken time to peruse these and bring you up to speed on who to blame and what virtue signalling you should be involved in today.


First of all, you could mention that it was punishment of the Catholics for:

  • colonial injustices
  • their massive paedophilia cover-up
  • the way they treat gay people and women

Depending on your views you could say it’s God punishing them or karma. 

Woke Protestants didn’t seem to mention God’s judgement for idolatry, but they’ll probably get to it as soon as their committee approves that message.

Who is to blame?

Secondly, you could point out that it was probably caused by:

  • health and safety violations by the evil profit seeking directors of the restoration company
  • problems that President Macron has created in France
  • Zionists who are shifting the focus from the fire at the Al Aqsa Mosque in Jerusalem

However, it’s very important that you don’t mention that this could be linked to terrorism or the ongoing vandalism, arson and desecration of other European churches

Indeed, YouTube had to grovel for their lack of wokeness when their algorithm designed to prevent misinformation had a link popping up on live video of the Notre Dame Fire offering information from Encyclopedia Britannica on the 2001 terrorist attacks.

Virtue signalling

For those that express sympathy it’s important that you point out that they have forgotten to express such sentiments to your cause. For example, what about white supremacists burning down 3 Black churches in Louisiana?

Currently more than €600 million has been donated to help rebuild it by various millionaires who own brands such a Gucci and L’Oreal.  It’s very important as a woke person that you criticise this and point out how this money should be used for various humanitarian crises around the world. 

Actually donating yourself to such crises is not necessary as only those with more money than you should do something.

Atheism bonus points

Bonus points are available for trolling those who thank God for saving it and sharing pictures of the surviving cross as a symbol of hope. 

Your standard reply should include a statement about how God didn’t stop the fire with rain/prevent it from starting in the first place. 

Feel free to add how you look forward to the day when all religious buildings are destroyed as that expresses the appropriate level of compassion for someone as educationally superior as you.

Over to you

Have we missed any woke responses to the Notre Dame Cathedral fire?  Let us know in the comments…

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible 

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