Rich man uses blender to solve camel conundrum


In Matthew19:24 Jesus shocks his disciples by saying “it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”

This has led numerous people (coincidentally, all rich) try to get around Jesus’ words by claiming that Jesus really meant something other than a needle and then ignoring that this would not have shocked the disciples.

“Surely, he can’t really have meant a real needle,” said on notably wealthy patron of the early church, “as that would be impossible!”

The Western church, in particular, has excelled at this with feminists claiming that Jesus clearly said man and not woman and added this to their list of reasons why women should be made CEO’s.

Others have claimed that Jesus’ word;s were only appropriate to the culture at the time and couldn’t possibly apply to wealthy western Christians, except televangelists.

However, one American pastor, Bob Smith, has claimed to have found the real meaning behind Jesus’ words which have been hidden from all Christendom for the past 2,000 years.

“well all I did was create a blender large enough to fit a whole camel in,” drawled Pastor Bob, “At the flick of a switch and a quick 5 minute wait everything looks kinda different now.”

We asked how Bob explained the shock of the disciples if Jesus meant this conundrum to be solved this easily…

“At the time the disciples couldn’t possibly understood it as such inventions were years off.”

Pastor Bob is offering this breakthrough invention at $50,000 (camel not included) and has already been flooded with orders.

“It seems people are just desperate to get in without all that selling your possessions guff and I’, only too happy to serve Jesus by expanding the Kingdom in this way.”

But what if Jesus didn’t mean blending a camel to get it through the eye of a needle?  We pressed Bob on this issue.

“Well I figure that the price oughta make ’em rich folks poorer which is already putting them on the right path…”

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible 

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