Santa left out in cold after stranger danger campaign



It was only a matter of time before today’s woke generation that are super conscious of consent and  “stranger danger” would spot the hypocrisy of parents with regard to Santa.

Lucy, aged 6, said, “My parents say I shouldn’t let people touch me but then want me to sit on Santa’s knee or at the very least put his arm around me.  When I say ‘no’ they then tell me off and say I’ve ruined Christmas.”

Peter, aged 8, commented, “I’m told not to talk to strangers and definitely not to get into a car with them – but then we just let this man into our house and into our rooms when we’re sleeping – it’s creepy and wrong!”

Trouble occurred in the Johnson household last Christmas when one of their children dialled 911 to report a bearded intruder.  “That was the Christmas that I learnt that my dad was a stalker who crept into children’s rooms dressed in a red outfit with a fake beard,” said a disillusioned Jeremy Johnson.

However, some families take their children’s concerns seriously and ensure that stockings are hung outside the locked house.

Chief Inspector Ruddy O’Shea added, “Increasingly this time of year safety conscious children are rightly contacting us about a red bearded stranger being seen in the neighbourhood.  Coupled with increasing terrorism, we advise families to lock their house and call the police if any suspicious packages are left unattended in their house no matter how they are wrapped.”

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible

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