Shock as millions of black Americans suddenly discover they’re white!


After watching the Joe Biden interview on the Breakfast Club today, millions of black Americans were shocked to discover that they weren’t actually black.

“It turns out that by voting for Trump I’m actually a white person,” said a bemused Charlene, “at first I was like ‘what?’ but then I realised that my prospects for future were suddenly looking up as a white woman I know I’m gonna get myself a good education and a great job.”

“It’s easy to get confused about who you are in this day and age,” said Tyrone, “so I was so relieved to have a white liberal man tell me that I ain’t black.  However, I’m now left with more questions than before, like am I Latino or Asian or what?”

“Race, like gender used to be defined in terms of genetics,” said Jed Thomas, chief researcher at the Institute of Research, “whereas we’ve now progressed beyond those poor unscientific methods to go with the individual’s feelings, which are a far better indicator of truth.  So Joe Biden is correct, if you don’t identify as a black person then ‘you ain’t black’. And what better way to know what race you identify as, than who you vote for – because it’s never about policies anyway.”

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible 

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