Texas Climate Expert Identifies Manna


For thousands of years, archaeologists, meteorologists, and ophthalmologist have speculated as to the identity of biblical manna.

The latest discovery by climate expert William Smithsonian reveals the obvious answer to what humanity has questioned for millennia.

His discovery will put to silence the decades-long feud between Kellogg’s and General Mills attempting to claim that it was actually cornflakes.

Smithsonian, who hails from Texas had the lightbulb come on after the latest winter happenings in the Lone Star State.

On that winter morning in February when Williams stepped out of his front door, the neighbors could hear him screaming “What the heck is this?”

Immediately, he received a divine revelation connecting his statement with the theological definition of mana: “What is it?”

You heard it here first: snow!

While s&@w has been considered a four-letter word since there have been snow shovels, this latest discovery is a real eye-opener for biblical scholars who have tried to settle this matter in which debates have led to arm wrestling matches and fistfights.

Smithsonian is quoted as saying, “No wonder the Israelites complained when they had to deal with this mysterious substance all over the ground; I mean, they didn’t have snowblowers. I’d be cussing in Hebrew too!”

Of course, snow doesn’t have any nutritional content – but Smithsonian has an answer for that as well!

“Well, I think it’s more likely to be this yellow snow that I found in my yard – that has real flavor to it – and so it must have something in it that can sustain them Hebrews!”

As Paul Harvey or G.I. Joe used to say, “Now you know, and knowing is half the battle!”

However, our correspondents here at the Cee suspect that the other other half will involve rapidly spitting out that yellow snow…

Reporter: Angry Nursery Worker

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