Ambitious Disciple’s Right Hand Campaign Ends Awkwardly

Church Life

The Gospels report a strange story about James and John having their mommy ask Jesus for preferential treatment in heaven.

Across all cultures, Mom having to go to bat for her sons past age 8 is grounds for removing a corner from their man card or parchment.

It’s unclear if other disciples had their third cousins, favorite uncle, least bratty niece, or second best acquaintance who was not a Pharisee ask for similar favors.

Does not cheating at camel trading get you a better seat in the afterlife?

The recently discovered Q document, source material for Matthew through Luke, includes an algorithm for places of honor Jesus presumably wrote in the sand several days after that interaction between Savior and Helicopter Parent.

The coveted sit-at-my-right-hand position remains TBA, but the twelve disciples neatly filled other available slots.

While Bartholomew received stand-sheepishly-behind-my-left-shoulder, James was relegated to slouch-in-a-corner-using your-cell-phone-to-overcome-crippling-social-anxiety.

According to translators, it seems that Jesus appointed John to occasional footstool status. 

Reporter: Dripping Ether

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