Brothers in Christ Duke it Out Over a Bible

Church Life

CHICAGO—A LifeWay Bookstore in the windy city will never be the same following a wave of violence due to a shortage in stock.

There was one remaining NIV study Bible edited by the theological duo of Joel Osteen and Oprah Winfrey. The Bible (if you want to call it that) had just released four hours prior and the stock had been rapidly depleted to a single copy.

Frank Tyson (no relation to the boxer) and John Foreman (again, no relation to the boxer), were both eyeing up the last copy of this coveted work, when the former slapped the latter, causing an all-out fist fight to ensue within the walls of America’s premier Christian Bookstore chain.

Police were called, but due to the already escalating violence of the city, none were available to come until a week from Tuesday, but since the store closes at 9:00 PM, the SWAT team was also called off.

Manager Kenny Bayless had previous experience in the arena of boxing, and was quickly able to determine the winner of the match. Since he was a lightweight, Tyson lost the dispute, and Foreman was able to purchase the last copy of the illustrious (or whatever the word is for “puke”) book boasting the editing skills of Osteen and Oprah.

But the story took a turn for the better as one of the associates spotted a return bin which housed 50 copies of the book that disgruntled buyers had returned, yet were not yet re-shelved.

The bulk of complaints was that the Osteen/Oprah portion of the notes was blank, therefore, only the text of the Bible was remaining.

This incident was then published in LifeWay’s monthly newsletter and cataloged under the heading “Spiritual Warfare: Would You Duke it Out for the Word of God?”

Tyson and Foreman have since exchanged side hugs and are mending their relationship with weekly coffee meetings and a couple’s Bible study from a study Bible edited by Dr. Phil McGraw.

Reporter: Angry Nursery Worker 

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