Deep Cleansing Baptism leads to hospitalisation

Church Life


Pastor Jed Thomas’ up-and-coming Church, the Warehouse, has been reaching out to the local slums with great success.

“We’ve seen over 3½ people make a decision for Christ and His Holy Coffee as a result of our skinny jeans and latte outreach.  Now some of these have had, shall we say, a rather fruity background before they saw the light and so need more than your regular baptism.”

“I mean water really doesn’t touch oil stains does it?  So how can water be a good representation of Christ’s cleansing for those with major sins?”

“So we at the Warehouse thought the use of bleach would be a better symbol of Christ’s deep cleansing from the ugliest of stains.  We just didn’t expect that it would also lead to burns treatment at the local hospital.”

Sadly, since word of the incident got out into the local community, the number of conversions has declined dramatically.

“We’re not quite sure why people seem reluctant to make a step of faith but we know that given time the quality of our coffee will eventually win over these hesitant hearts.”

“Reporter”: John Spencer aka Not the Bible

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