Gen X Pastor Still Making Sermon Illustrations from The Matrix

Last Sunday, a room of bewildered 20-somethings watched Randall Jones attempt a Matrix “Neo-esque” back bend while he pretended to dodge the “flaming arrows of the enemy.”

We caught up with Randall just as the largely speechless crowd was exiting the service.

“For me, no other film captures the gospel better or has so many spiritual parallels,” said the family pastor. “I’ve been using the Matrix since it came out in ’99, and I feel like I’m just getting started. I’ve got an idea for next time where the ushers all turn out to be ‘Agents’ and they chase me around the sanctuary.”

The Salty Cee reached Senior Pastor John Caldwell for comment, “We normally just have Randall preach during Spring Break here in Wisconsin, but last weekend I came down with the stomach virus. He didn’t wear the spandex again, did he?”

Many were also confused as communion plates forced parishioners to choose between red and blue wafers.

“It was a sobering chance for everyone to examine themselves in a way that’s culturally relevant,” said Randall. “That’s what makes The Matrix so powerful.”

We learned the communications director vetoed his request to include in the bulletin a full-color action shot of Morpheus with an assault rifle.

Jones added, “Obviously I never use either of the sequels in my sermons – that was when they got away from the true Christian message.”

Reporter: Brian Harvey