Local Church changes coffee ministry to comply with doctrinal statement

This past week Mr. Robert Lookatme a long-time church member and Barista Emeritus at Last Baptist Church sat down with this reporter to discuss the new drink selections available at his Church’s Coffee shop.

“Mr. Lookatme,” I started, “What would you like to share with the readers of The Salty Cee regarding your new coffee menu?”

“Salty Cee?” said Mr. Lookatme, “I thought you were from the Babylo….”

“Never heard of them,” I interrupted, “Now tell me exactly how a coffee drink can be Biblical. Isn’t that a stretch?”

“Not really,” replied Mr. Lookatme. “Consider our drink called the COLD REWARD based on Matthew 10:42. With the COLD REWARD all you get is cup of cold water. But, if you turn around and give it away we give you a free cup of coffee! Now that’s Biblical!”

“Then there’s the CUP OF WRATH. It has six shots of espresso mixed aggressively with hot water. We sell a lot of those during Business Meetings.”

“Next we have the DRINK OFFERING. No one knows what’s in those drinks except for the Pastors as they’re the only ones who can order it.”

“That is very interesting. Can you tell our readers about this coffee I’m drinking for people like us Salty Cee reporters on a budget?”

“Certainly, you’re drinking what we call the SPUE-THEE.”

“SPUE-THEE? Don’t you mean smoothie?”

“No,” he corrected, “You need to read your Bible more! You know, Revelation chapter 3, the Church of Laodiceans. We take the old left over coffee from the first service and serve that.”

“Most people don’t like it and they just spit it out. But it is a Biblical drink!” he added defensively.

Unfortunately, our reporter cut the interview short at this point.

Reporters: Tom & Peg