Millennial worship band sets new volume record for Silent Night

Church Life

Millennial worship band from the hip and happening Real Agape Warehouse church set a new world record today.

“Me and the band wanted to update these tired old Christmas carols,” said worship leader and guitarist Jamie ‘Jed’ Delacruz who is fully recovered from passing out on a bridge after singing it 27 times, “I mean, no offence, Silent Night is great, but like it gets a bit boring singing this same old song every year.”

“Yeah, it’s like worse than Bon Jovi churning out yet another ‘Greatest Hits’ album,” said Bass player, ‘The Big D’, “Lol, like, give us something new man!”

“Originally, I was keen on adding an inspired 20 minute drum solo right after the 2nd verse,” interrupted drummer ‘Baz’, “but that felt like it would be way better for a song like ‘Away in a Manger’.”

“Then we realised what Silent Night had been lacking all these years,” added vocalist Jenny, “volume!”

A quick internet search confirmed Jenny’s statement, and we at the Cee are genuinely surprised that no-one had ever thought of this in the 200 years since Silent Night was first written.

The volume requirements needed to rival 165 decibels of a Boewing 747 engine, meant that Real Agape Warehouse church had more speakers than chairs for their unique carol concert. 

We interviewed a number of the congregation after the concert but sadly it appears they were so caught up in the third heaven by the spiritual experience that they weren’t able to hear mundane things like our questions.

Reports indicate that the song could be heard up to 50 miles away, which was such witness to the community. 

In unrelated news, it appears many of the same community have all simultaneously developed bleeding ears.  We are hoping that this isn’t another COVID related symptom…

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible 

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