Organist struggles to play Kanye’s new songs

It was a difficult Sunday morning at First Baptist Church, Granville, Ohio as they tried to accommodate the influx of new Christians from the Twitter revival caused by Kanye West’s new album Jesus is King.

Pastor Bob explained the issue, “Well, we haven’t had a new Christian pass through our doors for oh….well longer than I’ve been here and I’ve been here a long time.  Heck! I can’t remember the last time we had someone under the age of 50 here, unless you count Jim-bob, Ethel’s guide dog and don’t then convert them dog years into human ones.”

Pastor Bob laughter at his own joke is light relief after the screeching of Mavis’ faulty hearing aid.

Gladys, 93, the church organist has been practising playing Selah, one of the tracks from Kanye’s Jesus is King album.  “Well it was nice to be playing something younger than me,” she confessed, “though I can’t say this younger folk’s music is really my thing and my arthritis made it quite tricky to play.”

Elijah, 79, a retired handyman who does the odd jobs around the church said, “Well I’d been hearing that these here younger folk like smoke machines and stuff – so I whipped up something in the garage this morning that’ll do the trick nicely.”

Norman, 84, who usually hands out the hymnals at the door has been working using a projector for the lyrics, “I got out my old slide projector we use for the family photos and wrote as small as I could on one of those slides – but I could only get about 5 words on each one before I was running out of room. Good job them lyrics repeat or I woulda run plain out of them slides as they haven’t stocked them in town since…ooo…I’d say 1974.”

Initial feedback on the service was mixed, however, the two young people who ventured through the doors seemed to enjoy the part where the firefighters struggled to bring Elijah’s smoke machine under control.

“It was like better than the pyrotechnics at one of Kanye’s concert,” said Angel – one of the youngsters, “I mean it seemed like so real!” 

Niles, the other youngster, added, “Yeah man, ‘de firefighters trying to stop ‘de church burning down spoke to me of ‘dis Jesus saving us from the fires of hell!”

Sadly, with no church building left it, Pastor Bob suspects this will hinder the youngsters returning.

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible