Pray for your pastor. Especially about Gary

Church Life

Dear reader, please pray for your pastor.

The man, or woman, can do nothing right.

While your sanctuary was built to allow 800 people to freely worship, it is now set up to seat 300, and only 75 have been attending.

Giving is down, he’s working no less than 60 hours a week to keep the church functioning, and yet, nothing he does within those hours appears to help matters.

“I won’t go to church if I have to wear a mask,” claims one parishioner.

“I won’t go to church unless everyone wears a mask!” claims another.

The church should remain closed, the church should never have closed.

The pastor should be online every day, the pastor is online too much.

The pastor needs to support BLM! The pastor needs to remind everyone Jesus died for everyone, so ALL LIVES MATTER!

I don’t like my cousin Gary. The complaints are non-stop right now, and some no man, especially not your pastor, can fix.

But I would challenge you, dear reader, to ask when the last time was you pastored during a pandemic?

When was the last time you were expected to consistently take a stance on a racial divide within the country?

And everyone hates Gary, it’s not just his bodily odor, his obnoxious personality, and the face even his mom couldn’t stand to look at.

Gary is just insufferable.

Everyone thinks the pastor should do something, but nobody has any ideas as to what the pastor should do. Everyone thinks the pastor needs to say something, but nobody likes what the pastor has to say.

Your pastor can currently do nothing right at the moment. So please pray for your pastor.

And remember, Gary, if you’re reading this, Aunt Karla said you have to pay me back that $30. Listen to your mother, Gary.

Really, this whole article was an attempt to get my money back. But, you know, all the other stuff, too. 

Reporter: Crass Christian

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