Revival around yet another corner

Joe Walsh received Jesus at the age of eleven when Billay Grayham (translation: Billy Graham) preached at a revival tent meeting.

Ever since then he has been eagerly awaiting the promised revival that would sweep America into the arms of Jesus.

“In the 70s we had that whole Jesus Movement tellin’ us that revival was just around the corner. But in the 80s it weren’t a comin’ but with that whole Holy Spirit goings on it was sure to be just around the next corner.”

“But along came those 90s and that whole ‘father heart’ thing – but that turned out to be a refreshin’ and there weren’t no revival comin’ but we was told that it would definitely be around the next corner, as everyone was getting all ‘inner healed’ up that they’d be right and proper ready for the multitude to come streamin’ in through those church doors.”

“But come those 00s and there weren’t no revival.  But we had the whole 24-7 prayer thing and we was a told that this was just dead certain to bring revival and it really was definitely around just the next corner.”

“But we stil aint’ got no revivals and I sees people playing that awesome worship music and sayin’ that it would be sure to come on the sounds of our praises and is most certainly definitely and absolutely around the next corner.”

But this “last” corner turned out to be one too many for Joe:

“I mean how many corners has this whole revival thing got? I tells you that 4 corners brings me right round this here block back to where I started and I feels like I ain’t got nowhere!”

Our reporter at the Cee wisely refrained from pointing out that Joe’s double negative meant he was therefore claiming to be somewhere new and probably in a revival that he was unaware of.

 Joe was last seen hiring a wrecking ball muttering about ‘smashing through the wall’ rather than going round yet another corner. 

We’ll let you know whether this technique is the missing key to ushering in a wave of people turning to Christ or just a wave of people turning and running from a madman smashing everything in his path.

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible