Rural churches lack faith to switch to online services

In response to the Coronavirus pandemic, large numbers of rural American churches have decided to remain open despite of President Trump having declared a national emergency.

After contacting the pastors directly, it appears the reason these churches will continue to hold services is because they lack the faith to switch to online only services.

“Our tech team consists of gladys operating the lights,” said rural church Pastor Chick Enn, “and I’m not sure how a live stream helps anyone other than those out fishing, but given that we typically have less than 10 people attend attend on a Sunday, I’m sure we’ll be just fine.”

“I run a modest church of 100 members in rural Texas,” said Pastor Harley Tryen, “and we have a guy Jeff who does that thing with the mics and projector but there’s no way I could use that technology to broadcast online, I just know it. We will keep meeting in person for now, God will look after us.  I have a peace about this.”

What could be a better example of faith in action, than making decisions based solely on whether or not you have peace about it?!

“I told my congregation to meet at church but space themselves out real good.  Maybe use something other than that back row,” said pastor Phil Lackadaisical, “sure beats using that interweb thingy.  I didn’t see Jesus using all that newfangled stuff when he was a preachin’.”

Many rural church parishioners were disappointed to learn that they would be expected to head to church this Sunday.  Secretly they were hoping to avoid greeting time and watch the service on their couch in their bathrobe, hugging two six packs of hoarded toilet paper.

Reporter: The lonely rogue