Apple streaming service: pay more for less!


Apple CEO, Tim Cook, announced a new Apple Streaming Service yesterday excitingly called Apple TV plus (or Apple TV+ for the hip).

It was a natural step for Apple after a slow-down in sales of the new iphone and Apple Watch as people are gradually waking up to the fact that its just the same as their previous products but in a swanky new colour with a larger price tag.

“We first introduced our first premium streaming service with the iPhone X ChargeGate where users pay to recharge their phone.  However, this new streaming service will feature original content like Netflix, but instead of spending $12bn per year creating it we’ll only spend $1bn per year.”

Tim Cook elaborated, “This means by charging way more than Netflix’s $16 a month we’ll make way more profit!”

The Apple TV+ interface was demonstrated and this reporter not how clean it looked.  Though that could have been due to the fact that it only had one film on it.

Naturally, all content streams with an apple icon on the screen so that its users can feel superior to other people around them.

During the event, Oprah was brought on stage as a symbol of someone who is overpaid for what they do and also Big Bird made an appearance to explain how he would train children from as young as 3, that cool people only buy apple products.

It was no coincidence that Tim Cook also announced the Apple Credit Card at the same time.  Apple COO Jeff Williams stated, “With the hefty price tag for this service we are conscious that some people will struggle to keep up with their payments.  Therefore we are offering a premium credit card with a generous interest rate that makes Venezuela’s inflation look tame in comparison.”

Apple Streaming Service is scheduled to start this September but they’ll take you money as soon as you sign their Terms & Conditions in blood.

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible

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