Black Friday officially renamed Black Lives Matter Friday

Last year’s Black Friday was marked by the American nation mourning their greed and trampling each other to get to the church altar to confess their manifold sins.

So it was no surprise that people were looking for a different kind of celebration this year and what cause is more noble than that of Black Lives Matter?

“With the mostly peaceful protests stopping after Saint Joe Biden became president-elect, people are looking for some tangible thing to do to show their solidarity,” said a spokesperson for the BLM organisation, “Sportspeople can take the knee (and even suffer injury because of it), but what can the average citizen do apart from putting a black square on their Instagram profile?”

Hence, Black Friday has been renamed Black Lives Matter Friday and has become an official American Holiday along with Thanksgiving, the 4th July and Juneteenth.

“We just feel that there was this natural synergy between the BLM protests and Black Friday as this is the closest many citizens will get to rioting and looting stores!”

We asked one man suffering from white fragility to explain how taking part in Black Lives Matter Friday had helped him assuage his white guilt:

“Shoving other people outta the way as I tried to get that 50″ plasma screen really helped me identify with the struggles that African Americans face in trying to get a foot on the ladder!”

“And by buying all these goods at the cheapest price really makes me feel like I’m smashing the capitalistic structure that BLM wants to bring down!”

 Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible