Depression cured if you’re a Christian!


 The problem of depression has just been cured if, you are a Christian!

“I just don’t understand how someone could be a Christian and depressed at the same time,” said megachurch pastor Les Cluze during Sunday’s sermon. Many of the preacher’s pastoral staff members nodded in agreement.

Did he mean to say that becoming a Christian will remove depression from the earth?! The pastor went on:

“Some of you listening have been through some hard times but God is with you!  Just like He was with King David and Elijah! ”

The pastor then nodded at his still married mother and father in the church sanctuary, who nodded approvingly at their son. “And you didn’t see King David or Elijah depressed!  Why?  Because they knew that God loved them!  Since you know that God loves you and Jesus even died for you then that’s more than a good enough reason to never be down!”

The pastor then emphatically slammed his hand on the pulpit and nearly broke his Rolex!

Following this great revelation from a white, well-off man informing the world that depression is no longer a Christian thing, we approached members of his congregation for feedback.

“I went to Pastor Les for advice and he helped cure my depression,” says Ben Dewpt, “I confided in him about the sadness from growing up without a dad but after his sympathy nods and quote from John 3:16, I felt much better!”

“My husband ran off with another woman and I was distraught,” said Lynn Jones, “I fell into a dark place and needed help.  Pastor Les opened my eyes by telling me that Jesus died and apostles were killed but they were still joyful so I had nothing to complain about.  Well that helped put me back on the right track.  I haven’t looked back since!”

We tried to ask the pastor more about his belief that depression will cease at conversion but sadly he was too busy preparing for his vacation in Aruba.

The pastor’s staff were approached by us to comment on their view of the book of Job and Ecclesiastes and how they reflect the human condition, but sadly these staff members had never heard of these books.

Reporter: The lonely rogue

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