Man accused of being trans-careerist


After much soul-searching, high school graduate Herman Switcher chose to pursue a career as a medical doctor.

However, when he signed up for the pre-med program at his local public university, Transfix U., he discovered that the registrar had instead enrolled him in the vocational school to train to become certified as a fireman.

When Switcher objected, the school administration pointed out to him that his cumulative academic file recorded clearly that in Third Grade, when he was eight years old, Switcher had declared emphatically to his family and teachers that he wanted to be a fireman when he grew up.

“Academic records are sacrosanct,” administrator Ima Stake informed him with a well-practised, all-knowing scowl, “and nothing in them can be changed. You chose to become a fireman ten years ago, and we all enthusiastically supported you in that momentous transition. You cannot go back now and change the past.”

“Children always know what is best for them, and we as adults must never interfere with their life choices. Think how destabilizing it would be for a child to grow up declaring that his sense of identity is best expressed by adoption of the role of a fireman only to be told a decade later that he could become a doctor or any other vocation. It would be devastating.”

“We must support children in their lifestyle choices, always protecting them from any efforts to change the course of their lives. Change engenders trauma in children and adults. Be happy in your wise childhood vocational selection. You should make an excellent fireman.”

“But,” Switcher argued, “I remember that a year before, in Second Grade, I told my parents that I wanted to be a doctor, like my Daddy. Can’t I change back now to my earlier choice?”

“No,” Ms. Stake responded, nodding wisely, “by law, lifestyle choices recorded in a student’s permanent academic file are always presumed correct and incontrovertible. Studies show that when eight year-olds begin to assert their unique personal identity they always make very mature choices that must be supported and never thwarted, so long, of course, that they have not been unduly influenced by their family to choose the heteronormative lifestyles or vocations of their parents.”

“Schools must protect children from the risk of psychological trauma or vocational/gender indoctrination or prejudice induced by family experiences or social stereotypes.”

After considering his dilemma, Switcher hit on the obvious solution. He got his ears pierced and reapplied to Transfix U. as a transgender woman, whereupon he was admitted to the pre-med program and went on to become a psychiatrist.

Reporter: David L. Llewellyn, Jr.

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