Storm Area 51: thousands confess sins to aliens

The Storm Area 51 event is today!

Despite the organiser starting it as a joke, thousands were inspired to storm area 51 anyway and find ‘dem aliens as “they can’t stop all of us”. 

It was also thought that many would say they were attending but would actually chicken out.  However, crowds had already gathered last night around the military base, despite government and local resident warnings.

Greta Thunberg tried to distract many by launching a climate strike on the same day and Union Seminary tried to get many to confess to plants but the faithful remnant were not so easily diverted.

However, what has surprised everyone was that instead of raiding, the participants have set up a makeshift “Storm Area 51 confessional” where people could confess their sins to aliens.

Jim “Moonbeam” Simmons, the organizer of the confessional, said, “earthlings have not only destroyed the earth but have now reached out into space. The aliens have been blamed for everything from UFOs to the disappearance of Elvis. We feel it is necessary to ask aliens to forgive us for our sins against them and other beings in the regions beyond.”

The confessional has been such a success that authorities may open up the gates for aliens to give forgiveness to those seeking it.

It is hoped that those aliens who had previously been put off of attacking our world and seizing its resources will now reconsider.

Reporter: The lonely rogue