Man “Pretty Sure” He Won Argument On Internet

 Kansas City, Missouri – Facebook Evangelist. Blood Bought Instagram Personality. Redeemed Snapchatter. YouTube Personality. Twitter Saint. Dave Baker proudly accepts all of these titles. The one he is most proud of, however, is “Internet Missionary.”

“It’s like I’m always telling people, the internet is a place full of lost souls – some of them even actual people,” explained Dave, “I’ve been ministering to people online since 1998 on one of the first iMacs.”

And he’s been arguing on the internet ever since. “I get most of my funding from Kickstarters and Christmas money my grandma sends me every year, but I also work a part-time job to pay the bills,” Dave continued, whose list of nicknames could also include “McDonald’s Fry Maker.”

Recently, Dave believes he had an actual conversion in his ministry. “I was so excited, but I wouldn’t call it a conversion, necessarily. I just won an argument with someone who claimed to be an atheist.”

When pressed as to what the argument was over, Dave was reluctant to answer, but finally filled us in.

“We argued over which was better, Sprite or Sierra Mist, but clearly Sprite is better and I hope that helps build a relationship that I can then use to share the gospel with this atheist heathen.”

Unfortunately, upon further investigation, it appears Mr. Baker was replying to a Sierra Mist promotional email, which he found in his Spam folder. 

Reporter: Crass Christian