Valentines Day: Retailers shocked by sudden spike in male shoppers


Valentine’s Day: Retailer’s reported a massive spike in the number of male shoppers which started late last night and has shown no sign of abating when shops opened this morning.

“I just don’t understand it,” said customer service assistant Jane, “It was like they all men seemed to have exactly the same idea at once and then like a plague of locusts swarmed in and stripping the cards, flowers and chocolate aisles.”

“We were caught completely unaware,” added Julie, a Walmart employee, “We’d had Valentine’s Day merchandise out on the shelves pretty much since Boxing Day and had expected sales to dwindle to nothing last night.  This last minute sudden influx was just overwhelming!”

“I wish we could get to the bottom of this mystery,” confessed Janice, a local gift shop owner, “It was so unexpected, just like the sudden surge of men shopping Christmas Eve and the one on night before and the morning of Mother’s Day… if we could only work it out then we could help those poor men who arrive after the desolation searching for the perfect gift among the leftover scraps.”

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible 

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