Weight Watchers new flatten the curve diet proves to be a winner


With medical professionals asking the nation to stay at home to flatten the curve and reduce stress on the overburdened health sector, it was only a matter of time before Weight Watchers responded.

Weight Watchers CEO, Mindy Grossman, commented, “For years we have helped obese people try to flatten the curve of their stomachs, so we worked with medical professionals to create a new diet based on the the latest Coronavirus recommendations.”

Previous advice by weight watchers to get plenty of exercise has now been replaced with staying indoors.  Similarly, eating fresh fruit and vegetables has been replaced by consuming whatever can be found in the freezer and cupboards.

Such a diet has proved to be extremely popular:

“I used to hate diets but this new flatten the curve thing is perfect,” says David who now spends all day lying on the sofa watching Netflix.

“Not only am I dieting but I’m also doing my bit for the country,” says Janet who is working through all the previously rejected food left in her pantry.

 “Even though I’m eating more this diet seems to be working as my stomach flattens when I lie down afterwards,” says Jake.

Since introducing this new flatten the curve diet, Weight Watchers has reported a 400% increase in members and a consequent 8000% increase in the weight of the members. 

This has led to speculation that Weight Watchers may have to resort to using steam rollers to ensure all participants experience the promised flattening of their bellies.

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible 

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